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From Moscow to the farthest reaches of Petushki, nothing is “too much” for me. After plummeting from a helicopter at the end of the first “Crank” (2006), Chev Chelios, the hitman with a terrible attitude, crashes to earth at the beginning of the sequel. Impact, ricochet, another impact, and he’s lying on a surgeon’s table as some comical Asians poke around in his chest. But the Hippocratic Oath isn’t on their minds – they rip out Chev’s heart and replace it with a metal contraption that’s supposed to keep him alive while they meticulously harvest his organs. Bad move on their part. Soon, one of the thugs is detailing to Chev who took his heart – and the deeper Chev shoves a shotgun into the thug’s ass, the more detailed the story becomes. Chev sets off to find his heart, a task fraught with complications, especially since the battery powering the metal device in his chest is dying and needs constant recharging. From a car battery. From a police taser. From high-voltage power lines.
Over the Top Action
The idea of the film’s demented creators, Neveldine and Taylor, was to cram everything into their movie. And they succeeded – there’s even a cameo by legendary porn actor Ron Jeremy, David Carradine as an elderly Asian man, and a head living separately from its body in a jar of saline solution. And let’s not forget the best sex scene of the year – if you consider a racetrack the “bed,” and the horses frantically mating in the background while cheering spectators fill the stands an “intimate setting,” that is. Perhaps the best description of this film came from a New York Times reviewer, who informed his readers in a review of the first film that it demonstrates “an equally strong hatred for all residents of Los Angeles, be they black, Latino, Asian, Muslim, gay, female, or moviegoers hoping to see a normal action film.” Only, for some reason, he thought that was a bad thing.
Chev’s Relentless Rage
We, on the other hand, think it’s as good as it gets. And it’s not just because Neveldine and Taylor constantly hint that they’re actually smart guys, inserting snippets of talk shows into the film and turning Chev into Godzilla (almost literally). Among the multitude of crazy characters populating the screen, Jason Statham’s Chev is one of the most outstanding. Because he’s driven not by a thirst for life, not by revenge, and certainly not by a desire for justice, but solely by a bad attitude and extreme malice. He had to overcome the poison in the last film and find his heart in this one simply to get his way. Ripping through the long-suffering city at breakneck speed, terrorizing ordinary citizens, killing thugs, he proves that life is just a furious, mindless churning of matter, akin to a volcanic eruption, and the spectacle is as inspiring as flowing lava.
Radically Idiotic Cinema
All of this doesn’t negate the fact that “Crank 2: High Voltage” (2009) is a radically idiotic movie. The trick is that you start to love this film before you realize what kind of trash you’ve been sucked into, and then it’s too late to stop. Especially since it stars Jason Statham. Especially since it stars Amy Smart. Especially since there’s a porn actors’ strike with signs reading “No money – … ourselves,” an outstanding session of one unfortunate guy from the previous film with a psychoanalyst, and countless other details that Neveldine and Taylor have crammed into the film. Be sure to watch the credits – adrenaline is guaranteed.