Oh, to Be a Kid Today!
Oh, if only our childhood vacations had been filled with movies like the ones kids get today, instead of the usual old stuff. Childhood would have been different. We might have grown up differently, maybe even learned how to defend ourselves instead of being caught off guard. So, lucky kids of today, enjoy your vacations with movies like “Eight Legged Freaks” and “Stuart Little 2.” Take note of how to protect us poor, aging folks when you grow up!
Eight Legged Freaks: A Nostalgic Horror Comedy
“Eight Legged Freaks,” directed by Ellory Elkayem, is definitely geared towards older kids and teens. Many describe it as a parody of those cheesy “B” horror movies from the 1950s. I think it’s more than that. Sure, the plot revolves around a mutation at a spider farm in a small town, unleashing hordes of giant spiders on the unsuspecting populace. And, yes, a nerdy kid who loves science is constantly watching those very “B” movies on TV.
But the parody goes deeper, poking fun at the whole “American Dream” ideal, the idealized version of small-town life from the 50s. There’s a corrupt mayor, a Jewish barber, the ever-present Aunt Gladys with her dog, rebellious teenagers, and striking miners – they’re all characters as much as the spiders are. The film touches on dark pasts, a couple of love stories, and the usual everyday squabbles. The mortal danger unites the town, they defeat the spiders on their own, the mayor meets his end in hairy spider legs, the lovers find each other, and so on. Bring on the aliens or even the government, they’re ready.
It’s not scary at all. “Eight Legged Freaks” is the first movie where a cat gets eaten on screen, and I didn’t immediately run out of the theater. It’s obvious that no one actually gets eaten. The spiders are clearly toys, and the parody lies in how their appearance and movements are deliberately exaggerated using modern special effects. They jump around, thump-thump-thump. A leg pops out of the ground – and a flamingo is no more. The over-the-top events (motorcycle chases, battles in the mall, wandering through catacombs) and the actors’ performances match this deliberate silliness. Don’t take your protein bodies too seriously.
The downsides? The exposition is a bit drawn out, and the pace is a little slow, not really justified by the small-town setting. Probably a budget issue. The upsides are the individual visual and, especially, verbal jokes. “I see a dead person, I see a dead person!” squawks a parrot before a hairy leg silences him. There’s witty humor, like the electroshock weapon between someone’s legs and the wildflowers (“Oh yeah, you picked them…”). The chain-smoking Aunt Gladys, who can’t be suffocated even in a spider cocoon, is the best character in the movie.
Stuart Little 2: A Delightful Animated Adventure
“Stuart Little 2” is for boys and girls of all ages, from babies to the elderly. This gem was directed by Rob Minkoff, who also directed “The Lion King.” Here, the whole world is essentially animation in its early stages. Real-life actors Geena Davis and Jonathan Lipnicki happily exaggerate their adult personas, and the birds, mice, and especially the cats are fantastic. If you saw the first movie, you know that the special effects make the live-action humans and animated animals equal players. In the first movie, the Little family (mom, dad, son, daughter, and cat) adopted a mouse named Stuart. In the second, he’s settling in.
It’s a story about childhood friendship because even a mouse can feel lonely among humans, even if he’s learned to play soccer with them. He needs a friend of his own size. Of course, he finds one, but it’s not a mouse; it’s a street-smart bird with a broken wing, looking like a canary. He falls in love with her, but she turns out to be a decoy sent by a predatory falcon to steal Geena Davis’s wedding ring. The bird flies away without saying goodbye. Heartbroken, Stuart goes to find her, and the whole family follows.
The plot is what it is, pretty silly, but Minkoff isn’t really focused on that. The main thing is that it’s a joy to watch how it’s all done, even for older viewers. The mouse drives his own Cadillac to school, flies his own plane, and climbs into a hole in the kitchen sink to get the wedding ring. First, everything, from the surprised, idiotic look on Dad Little’s face to Mom Little’s idyllic pink sweaters, fits the fairy-tale setting perfectly, as if it’s all perfectly normal. You don’t have time to think about what’s real and what’s CGI; you’re too busy keeping up with all the details of this fantastical life. Second, it doesn’t matter how insignificant everything is when Snowbell the cat, a classic white Persian theatrical commentator, enters the scene. He’s always aloof, dissatisfied with everything, and that’s what makes any silly story believable.
The Little’s baby daughter eats oatmeal and throws the bowl on the floor. Mom Little calls Snowbell to breakfast. Coming down to the kitchen, he expects salmon, halibut, sturgeon, or at least some sprats. He sees a pile of oatmeal smeared on the floor: “Good grief, I’m their walking Comet.” When Snowbell quotes the Old Testament, comments on human psychology, or travels with the mouse (“Slow down the Cadillac, or I’ll die of thrombosis”), it’s not just wit; it’s prophecy. It convinces you forever that the cat is the master of the house, and that’s a biblical truth of life. The translation is excellent (“We’ve met, two lonely souls” clearly wasn’t in the original American text), and it’s no accident that the voice actors are credited in large font.
Conclusion
During vacation, we generally approach a refreshed but comfortable state of mind. “Eight Legged Freaks” is live-action, but like a stop-motion cartoon. “Stuart Little 2” is live-action, but like a hand-drawn cartoon. One elicits a silly “hee-hee” after every scare, the other a blissfully drooling smile after every bit of magic. It turns out that if the beauty of our protein bodies won’t save the world, their self-deprecating humor about that beauty will.