A lackluster conclusion to a children’s fantasy-special effects series that was already barely worth the price of admission.
Night watchman Larry (Ben Stiller) and his exhibit friends enjoy life at the Museum of Natural History, even entertaining visitors who believe they are witnessing elaborate special effects rather than living statues and skeletons. Suddenly, the magical Egyptian tablet that brings the exhibits to life at night begins to lose its power and shrink in size. Young Pharaoh Ahkmenrah (Rami Malek) explains that his parents, on display at the British Museum, should know how to “recharge” the tablet, and Larry, along with his son and several exhibits, travels to London to inquire about the miraculous artifact from Pharaoh Merenkahre (Ben Kingsley).
After squeezing out two comparatively engaging installments of the children’s fantasy blockbuster about the antics of museum exhibits, the creators of the series have strained themselves and given up. In essence, “Secret of the Tomb” is not a new “Night at the Museum” episode, but a 90-minute epilogue that is unlikely to captivate even those who are genuinely in love with the characters of the series (though, honestly, who can you wholeheartedly love there?).
To appreciate the shoddy script of “Secret,” it suffices to say that there is no villain in the film. True, at one point, Sir Lancelot, who comes to life in London, decides that the Egyptian tablet is the Holy Grail, and he steals it to complete his “mystical quest.” But, of course, the noble knight cannot remain a villain for long, and he is quickly and peacefully brought to his senses. This short divertissement exhausts the plot drama of “Secret.” The film also features a small battle with a revived oriental dragon and the eruption of a volcano model, dangerous only to the miniature characters of the film, the cowboy and the Roman legionary. Both occur in the middle of the picture, and after this burst of activity, the dramatic temperature of “Secret” does not rise above room temperature. Shame, just shame. Even weak blockbuster scripts are usually much more tense and exciting.
The trained capuchin monkey Crystal has been acting in films since 1997. She debuted in “George of the Jungle” and has since played more than twenty roles in film and television.
What “Secret” Offers
What does “Secret” offer instead of exciting adventures in the British Museum and in the British capital? Wandering through the halls and talking, talking, talking. As if it were not a blockbuster, but a low-budget, talkative tragicomedy of the kind that aspiring independent directors love to shoot. Thus, Larry and his son discuss the boy’s plans for life at length and frequently. Nicky wants to go to Ibiza as a DJ after school, and Larry insists that he should not loaf around but go to university. Nicky replies that his father has done well in the museum, even though he did not study at any university… And so on in the same vein. Over time, other characters join the discussion, but it does not cease to be a beating around the bush. Of course, it is important for Larry and Nicky what the boy will do after graduation. But what do viewers care? We will not see either the university or Ibiza!
From the same worthless series is a secondary plot, in which a Neanderthal exhibit similar to Larry (made by museum workers to make fun of the watchman) first declares himself Larry’s son, and then falls in love with Tilly, the watchman of the British Museum. The latter is played by Rebel Wilson from “Bridesmaids” and “Pitch Perfect,” and if this corpulent comedian were made the main character of “Secret,” she could probably give a new charge of energy to the depleted series. However, Wilson’s participation is reduced to a lengthy and clumsy cameo. Which, by the way, is offensive to girls with an impressive figure. Like, if you have such forms, then you can attract only a prehistoric savage who is barely able to speak. A completely inappropriate joke for a children’s film. Although in “Secret” it is, perhaps, in its place - among the exhibits that have long outlived their usefulness. Next to the “coolly peeing monkey” (yes, this is a very, very cultural film).
Actor Hugh Jackman first appeared on stage as little Arthur in the musical “Camelot.” It was a production in his native Sydney, and he was only five years old at the time.
Jokes
What other powerful jokes do the screenwriters of “Secret” delight the audience with? The same old ones as mentioned above. Roman soldiers comment on videos with funny cats on YouTube and write the comment LOL. Robin Williams, in his last or penultimate appearance on the screen, primitively grimaces when the magic that revived his character (President Theodore Roosevelt) begins to fail. Sir Lancelot, in search of Camelot, wanders into the musical of the same name, where King Arthur is played by Hugh Jackman… The best joke of the last fragment - Jackman in a royal costume begins to portray Wolverine. You’ll die laughing…
In general, wherever you look - wretchedness, despondency, and fatigue. There is nothing to laugh at, no one to worry about (except for poor lonely Tilly), nothing to admire. The circus is closed, the clowns have scattered.