Scary Movie 3: A Hilarious Take on Mainstream Madness

The scariest thing about “Scary Movie 3” wasn’t even on the screen. It was the guy behind me in the theater, whose laughter drowned out the soundtrack. He was rocking back and forth, leaning forward like he was about to hurl all over the people in front of him. But, to be fair, a lot of people were chuckling – more than they did during the first two movies. David Zucker took over the director’s chair from the Wayans brothers for this one, and that explains a lot.

The plot isn’t really the main attraction here; it’s all about the funny little details. But basically, Cindy (Anna Faris), our old friend, is now a TV journalist dreaming of becoming as famous as Jim Carrey in “Bruce Almighty.” She gets sidelined, but then stumbles upon a killer videotape that’s offing high schoolers, making her the Naomie Watts of this story. She also discovers aliens in the countryside, leaving mysterious symbols in the fields of a widowed farmer (Charlie Sheen). The farmer’s younger brother, a Joaquin Phoenix-esque character (Simon Rex), is a wannabe white rapper in a hoodie. So, we’ve got a full-blown parody of “The Ring,” “Signs,” and “8 Mile.” There are also snarky jabs at “The Matrix Reloaded,” the ever-present Leslie Nielsen as the President of the United States, and appearances by Pamela Anderson and Queen Latifah. But mostly, Zucker and the Wayans are having a field day making fun of those three mainstream hits.

I can’t say I even cracked a smile, because after enduring “8 Mile” and “Signs” firsthand, my own imagination came up with much richer parodies. Still, the very act of mocking them in “Scary Movie 3” is commendable and refreshing – a balm for a film critic’s soul. There are two key points here. Unlike the earlier films, this one targets mainstream movies, not the semi-marginal horror flicks like “Scream” and “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Watching Zucker’s movie, you can’t help but feel a little gleeful that “The Matrix,” which was presented with such deadly seriousness and fooled so many innocent people into thinking it was cool and profound, is finally getting a well-deserved takedown, even in its own country. It means there are still some sane people out there. Plus, by tackling mainstream subjects, the third installment has shifted its style somewhat. The cheap, summer camp-style humor of the past has been replaced by something closer to British humor. It’s all played straight, until some absurd detail slips through. There really was a President Ford in the United States, and not that long ago. Zucker hung a portrait of President Ford in the White House. Just not the right one.

Highlights and Lowlights

The “Ring” parody is the most incoherent, “8 Mile” is simply rehashed, and “Signs” gets the most satisfying mockery. Maybe it’s because that particular piece of nonsense provoked the strongest revulsion in me. It’s especially enjoyable to watch Charlie Sheen play Mel Gibson – they clearly have some personal beef – and the scene where he says goodbye to his half-crushed wife, pinned between a tree and a car, is genuinely funny. Zucker cast Sheen’s real-life wife, Denise Richards, as the wife, and she’s not just crushed, but neatly separated into upper and lower halves. And the text is perfectly illustrated. Gibson walks through the yard, just like in the original: “Something’s wrong with the dogs,” – and the dogs are brazenly smoking a real hookah. And the aliens are now friendly and pee out of their fingertips.

The Architect from “The Matrix” is a complete moron, which is just delightful. And I think I actually smiled when the TV station security guard, after yet another chaotic mess, finally gets his hands on the computer that controls the news ticker and fills it with everything he knows, and the clueless anchor reads it all out loud. But honestly, most of the jokes are pretty childish. Pee-pee, poo-poo, snot in the ear, who threw up on what, and where the blood splattered.

Final Verdict

So, “Scary Movie 3” is still not for those who appreciate wit, but for more indiscriminate fans of silliness. Besides, fighting nonsense with even more lowbrow nonsense is hardly a novel approach, and ultimately doesn’t really work.