Las Vegas is notorious for its ability to turn “I do” into a done deal in mere minutes. Picture this: you’re staring at your soon-to-be spouse for the first time, possibly not entirely sober, and your compatibility is as questionable as Ashton Kutcher’s character with Cameron Diaz’s in, well, any movie.
A Vegas Mishap
Kutcher plays a man-child who can’t even hold down a job given to him by his own father. Diaz is a high-strung broker constantly battling the world. After being dumped at her surprise party (with the ex-boyfriend sharing intimate details with the guests), both end up in Vegas. They meet, get drunk, and wake up married. The plan is to annul it, but a slot machine win of three million dollars changes everything. A judge, wanting to punish their reckless behavior, orders them to live as a married couple for six months. If the assigned therapist believes they’ve genuinely tried, they can divorce and split the money.
Forced Cohabitation
So, the broker moves in with the man-child. They both try to make each other miserable, but their attempts feel forced. It seems men haven’t evolved much since “The War of the Roses,” still resorting to crude antics. If Michael Douglas peed on the fish in that movie, Kutcher’s character only manages to pee on the dirty dishes. Actors are clearly losing their edge.
Acting Woes
Unfortunately, actresses are also declining. Who taught Cameron Diaz how to portray disappointment? She seems to think it involves a three-step process: 1. contort your mouth, 2. squint one eye, 3. purse your lips. But she can’t seem to get the order right. Plus, it’s a challenge for her to purse her lips and contort her mouth simultaneously. However, her smile remains brilliant, as always. Why she’s smiling at Kutcher is a mystery, but you can’t argue with her sense of humor.
Humor and Target Audience
As for the humor, the word “lesbian” is mentioned once (cue wild laughter), “gay” twice (some embarrassed giggles), there’s a lot of toilet humor (interested smiles), and a joke about towels hanging correctly (restrained laughter). If you’re under 20 and believe love is about splitting three million dollars, you’ll probably love this movie.
Questionable Scenarios
Older viewers might have more complex reactions. Watching Kutcher steal the toilet seat to prank Diaz, you wonder if a live mouse would elicit a more genuine scream than seeing Ashton Kutcher. Or when Kutcher pours popcorn down his pants and eats it, you wonder if breaking his nose and setting it wrong would make him look less like a rubber sex doll. Or more? Or would anyone even notice?
Nostalgic Resemblance
The best thing about “What Happens in Vegas” is its resemblance to a season of “Friends,” complete with the recurring shot of the characters’ New York apartment building. There was also a Vegas trip, a drunken wedding, and a never-ending hangover in New York. It evokes nostalgia, making it easier to forgive the movie’s peculiar humor, lack of logic, and the utter impossibility of any relationship between Diaz and Kutcher. They’re practically different species; they shouldn’t even be able to hear each other. The closest they could realistically get is ending up in the same nightclub, where Kutcher’s character would be stripping, and Diaz’s character would decide to spend the evening elsewhere.
And, surprisingly, they didn’t sell popcorn in cups with Kutcher’s underwear on them before the movie. That would have been a great marketing ploy.