Conan the Barbarian (2011): A New Take on a Legendary Warrior
A fresh adaptation of the acclaimed adventure-action film.
Conan the Cimmerian (Momoa) was born into war and for war. His parents were so hardcore that his father (Perlman) performed a C-section on his mother right in the heat of battle. The boy grew up peacefully, learning to kill, but one day an army led by a necromancy-obsessed warlord (Lang) arrived and slaughtered everyone except Conan himself. Now, this hulking figure, fueled by vengeance, is forced to wander the world in search of retribution.
Marcus Nispel’s film starts off as pure fun: a frenzied teenager with the eyes of a wolf runs through the forest, shoving aside young tribesmen, and then silently chops off the heads of some painted natives. It seems that Conan-Schwarzenegger will soon be remembered only in a historical context, but then lengthy dialogues begin, interspersed with scenes meticulously copied from older colleagues in the genre, and the artistic bar, once raised high, crashes down with a thud.
A Director’s Homage or a Rip-off?
If the kleptomaniac director Nispel had shown some restraint in stealing other people’s ideas, it wouldn’t be so bad. But he takes not just well-known shots, but practically branded ones from certain films. If sand creatures stand in Conan’s way, rest assured they will behave just like their prototypes from “The Mummy Returns” (2001). If the camera has to push through the tops of wild grasses, the operator will inevitably choose the same angle and speed of movement as in “Gladiator” (2000). It’s nice when the director, like you, loves “Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones” (2002), “The Lion King” (1994), “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” (2002), and “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” (2011) (the latter, apparently, especially – in addition to fights on the ship and the main character’s circus-like flights on the yardarm, we are also treated to a giant predatory octopus). But besides these, there is absolutely nothing in his arsenal.
From Brutality to Naivety
The abundance of squishing and gurgling cruelty is initially pleasing, but towards the end, it is almost nullified by some completely childish adventure naivety. Yes, the old “Conan” didn’t have such a quantity of severed limbs and all sorts of burnings with hot metal, but the atmosphere of unmotivated violence was there; even the main character was killed in a mundane and almost accidental way. The new “Conan,” in terms of mood, is most similar to last year’s “Prince of Persia” with its vegetarian Disney heroism. It’s all the more обидно to see the original and memorable Conan of Jason Momoa drowning in all this nonsense. He differs from Schwarzenegger as much as 2011 differs from 1982. The rough Austrian with a stone face looked like a real barbarian in Hollywood in the 80s, and that’s why he was loved. In our time, angularity is not in favor, and only a handsome man with the smile of a TV presenter and the grace of a stripper could take his place. He can still growl at a beautiful stranger, of course, but if you ask him about the meaning of life, there won’t be a word about “crushing enemies and hearing the lamentations of their women.”