Fast Five: When The Fast & Furious Franchise Met The Rock
Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), sprung from custody in a daring escape orchestrated by his sister (Jordana Brewster) and best friend (Paul Walker), sets his sights on a high-stakes heist in South America. But will federal super-agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) finally put the brakes on Toretto’s crew for good?
How do you inject new life into a flagging film franchise? Add The Rock. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is undoubtedly the best thing about “Fast Five” (also known as “Fast & Furious 5,” “Rio Heist,” and “How Can Audiences Not Love Super-Fast Cars?”). Johnson tears through the movie, leaving a trail of testosterone in his wake. His character, a heavily armored, bearded, no-nonsense bounty hunter, is the guy the FBI calls when they really need someone caught (which, apparently, is quite often). He’s built like a granite statue and as sharp as a tack. While his character is utterly unbelievable, from the moment Johnson storms onto the screen, barking, “Rule number two: you step aside, you little piece of sh*t!” at a shrimp-sized South American cop, “Fast Five” transforms from entertainingly dumb to gloriously brainless. Think of it as a World Wrestling Federation remake of “Heat,” with Vin Diesel in the De Niro role.
The Heist
Whether “Fast Five” is a repurposed script from a failed “Italian Job” sequel, “The Brazilian Job,” or just a coincidence, Diesel’s character finds himself in Rio de Janeiro, assembling a team for one last, irresistible job. Toretto plans to steal $100 million from a corrupt businessman – a surprisingly low figure for a film with such a bloated budget.
The Crew
The team includes familiar faces, from Tokyo drifter Han (Sung Kang) to tech expert Tej (Ludacris). Don’t expect nuanced plot twists; the storyline is absurd. Instead, prepare for an unrestrained feast of bikini-clad women, hip-hop heroes, reckless warehouse brawls, and lines like, “Nice legs. What time do they open?”
The Verdict
By any reasonable standard, “Fast Five” isn’t a great film. Diesel seems incapable of expressing emotion and increasingly resembles Tony Hart’s Morph. One ridiculous scene piles upon another. The movie clocks in at over two hours and feels excessively long. Yet, it’s hard not to grin as the characters push themselves to the limit – especially during the final scene involving every police car in Brazil and a bank vault demolishing the city: a sequence that surpasses even “Bad Boys II” (2003). This fifth installment is the “fastest” and most “furious” of them all. The “Fast Five” gives it 110%. Because only the weak give 100%.